Adolescence is a time of significant change for your child. Gone are the days of playing with toys and instead you might notice a new interest in going to parties, dating, and rebelling against authority. While this can be a shock for parents, changes in behavior, interests, and attitude are completely normal when it comes to the mind of a developing teenager.
That’s why it’s important to not take it personally when your precious bundle of joy utters those three little words: “I hate you.“
Puberty is a confusing time for your teenager. It’s a time where their bodies begin to noticeably change, and hormones start racing.
Expectations begin to increase academically, and peer pressure becomes more intense than ever. With all things considered, it’s no surprise that your teenager might feel overwhelmed and lack total control of their emotions. After all, they are still human.
There is good news though. There are things you can do to help your teenager through this phase so you both make it out relatively unscathed.
Teenager Hates You? Here’s What You Need to Know…
When Your Son Hates You
When your son hates you, he may express it with a bit more aggression than a daughter would, but this can really depend on the individual teenager or child. Your son may show signs of anger or frustration towards you, or act in a way that belittles you or disrespects you as a parent.
It’s not uncommon for parents to feel some sort of tension between their teenage children. If you reached out to other parents and said “my son hates me”, most of them would reply “Yeah, same.”
It’s not uncommon, but do they really hate you, or is this just a perception that parents have since these are the years when teens are trying to gain independence, and parents are still trying to hold on to some degree of control over their teens lives?
When Your Daughter Hates You
Have you ever sat there thinking, “Wow, my daughter hates me. Why does my daughter hate me?”
This can be a really difficult moment for a parent. It could be that your daughter has flat-out told you that she hates you, or you just feel that energy coming from her.
For starters, it could be something you’re projecting onto them. Are you an anxious parent? Have you dealt with anxiety in the past? There could be certain things you need to work through.
Have you ever wondered what to do when your teenage daughter hates you? These are common feelings for parents, but that doesn’t mean that some daughters don’t have a higher level of hatred for their parents beyond the usual, normal amount that often exists between a teenage daughter and her parents.
When Your Child Hates You
When your child hates you, it’s important to recognize if it’s based off of something you’ve done wrong or a need that they aren’t having fulfilled by their parents, or if it’s related to something else they may be going through and they’re just taking it out on you.
Communication can be really helpful here, but working with a therapist or another professional can help give you the necessary toolkit to approach these conversations in a productive and healthy way, in particular if you’ve struggled with similar feelings in the past, or towards your own parents when you were younger.
5 Tips for Parents Saying “Help! My Teenager Hates Me!”
“My Son Hates Me, My Daughter Hates Me – What Can I Do?”
It’s never hopeless. There’s always something you can do to build the relationship, and sometimes it’s juts a matter of giving them a little space. However, sometimes, they need you there for them and space isn’t what they need.
This is where it gets difficult to maneuver, and mindfulness is really helpful. Not just mindfulness for parents, but mindfulness for teens, too.
4. Be There For Your Teens, Even If They Hate You
One of the most important things you can do for your teenager is to be there for them. This could mean sitting next to them in silence until they are ready to talk or simply letting them know that you are there for them no matter what.
Although they might feel like they don’t need you anymore, teenagers need guidance and support from their parents and it’s important that they know they can rely on you. You should always work on keeping a calm demeanor and help them when asked even if your help has been rejected before.
3. Don’t Take It Personally
As we said, you shouldn’t take your teenager’s behavior as a personal attack. While it’s important to expect your teenager to be polite to everyone, their behavior has nothing to do with you.
Instead, recognize that they are struggling to find a sense of power and control in their life and wanting some space from you is totally normal.
Although we agree that most teenagers can work on their tact when asking for independence from their parents, it’s important to validate how they are feeling and respect their need for growth. If it feels like your teen hates you, remember: it may have nothing to do with you on a personal level at all, it’s just a side-effect of playing the parent role sometimes.
That doesn’t mean it’s great for your teenager to hate you, of course, and it’s something you can work on with them.
2. Be Their Parent and Not Their Friend
Although we have been talking about the importance of respecting your teenager’s space and independence, you need to ensure that your role as parent isn’t being overshadowed.
Teenagers are built to challenge authority but it’s up to you to ensure your teenager learns to control impulses and behave responsibly. There is a good chance that your teenager will fight you along the way, but it’s important that you don’t give up on being their parent.
Your future relationship and their ability to be a productive adult depends on it. This can be tricky for parents with certain types of personalities or parenting styles, but it’s really important because your teenage needs the structure and guidance of a parent.
As your teen gets older and grows into adulthood, there’s more space for treating them as a friend, but the formative years are when they really need you as their parent.
1. Stay Strong If Your Teen Hates You
When your teenager says that they hate you, it can feel like a personal attack and the end of your relationship. It’s important to stay strong and remember that your teenager still needs you even if their actions and words say otherwise.
Remember, like diapers and sleepless nights, this stage will not last forever and you will both make it through together.
Final Thoughts on What to do When Your Teenager Hates You
- Why does my daughter hate me?
- Why does my son hate me?
- Why does my child hate me?
These questions can drive a parent crazy. If you’re going to take one piece of advice away from this article, it’s to reach out for help if you’re having a difficult time and not sure how to handle it.
Understand that there’s a certain amount of animosity that is manageable and to be expected between teens and parents, but it can get to unhealthy levels and that’s when it would be wise to seek out some form of counseling.
Finally, you can turn to conflict resolution for teens, which can also be used with parents.