It’s rare that a parent doesn’t want the best for their children. When things are going well, parents are given a lot of credit for “raising them right”, and when things go back, parents often shoulder at least some of the blame – even if people don’t always say it out loud.
When it comes to challenges that teenagers face, including mental health struggles, sometimes the blame gets pointed towards the parents. Sometimes, that can even be justified. Some parents are not good parents, and bad parenting can have very negative impacts on children and their outcomes in life.
Having said that, many times, nobody is harder on the parents than themselves. The fact of the matter is that the type of parent who is going to read an article like this and is involved in their teenager’s life is probably not the type of parent that’s going to cause any serious harm to the kids.
It’s usually the parents who don’t care about their kids and neglect them, or are abusive mentally or physically, that leave lasting scars.
All of that is to say that you if you care enough to look into it, it’s not your fault.
Is It My Fault My Daughter Has BPD?
No, it’s not your fault that your daughter has BPD.
It’s believed that borderline personality disorder can be triggered by environmental factors, but not everybody in the same environment is going to have the same outcome.
It’s a complicated topic, but the short answer is that it’s not a parent’s fault.
There could be things that could be adjusted at home to better cater to her, to reduce how bad it is for her, and so on and a mindful parent can look for resources and guidance. So, in that sense, if there’s a parent who denies their daughter’s BPD diagnosis or doesn’t help her with the necessary resources, then a parent can exasperate it.
3 Myths About Your Daughter’s Borderline Personality Disorder
Before you’ve looked into things further, there are probably some per-conceived notions that you have about BPD. Sometimes, those are more or less correct but more often than not, they could be misconceptions.
MYTH 1: It’s Not Treatable
This is a myth. It’s possible to treat BPD using trauma-focused cognitive behavior therapy, inner-child therapy, teaching your daughter how to find strength from within herself to deal with, speaking to a counselor, and more.
It may not solve every single symptom one hundred percent of the time, but taking these steps has shown positive results in reducing the impact that borderline has on someone’s life.
MYTH 2: BPD Will Ruin Your Daughter’s Life
People living with BPD can take steps to reduce the impact it has on them, and can still find ways to live happy and fulfilling lives despite their diagnosis.
The important part is that she understands her condition and learns ways to deal with it, how to recognize triggers, how to explain it to people in her life and tell them what she needs from them.
MYTH 3: BDP Is a Choice
You have to remember that your daughter didn’t choose to have BPD. Nobody would make that choice, if it was a choice.
Now, someone can make the choice to get treatment for the BPD or to refuse treatment, but even in those cases it’s not like the person is choosing to have borderline, even if they’re choosing not to take the steps to improve their condition.
Treatment isn’t always easy, it can be a challenge for everyone involved, but it’s something that is necessary. Even if it’s not completely solved, various types of treatment will help in improving the situation as much as possible. Choosing not to take the steps to improve things is a bad decision.
What kind of parenting causes borderline personality disorder?
Maladaptive parenting can increase the likelihood of a child developing borderline personality disorder.
Children who grow up being mistreated and suffering through neglect and abuse, children who are around domestic violence or parents who have very unhealthy conflicts are all at a higher risk of developing BPD. That doesn’t mean it’s a guarantee, and it doesn’t mean that people don’t develop it without these factors, but they are strong potential risk signals.
In certain cases, one could make the argument that the parents are certainly responsible for pushing things in that direction. If we know that abuse or neglect can increase someone’s risk of BPD, and a parent does those things, how could anyone absolve that parent of responsibility?
On the other hand, that’s not always how it plays out. The risk factors alone aren’t a conclusive picture of things.
Can having a narcissistic parent cause BPD?
Having a narcissistic parent can be a risk factor for BPD.
Again, not every child of a narcissist develops borderline personality disorder, and it can really vary depending on how the parent acts out their narcissism. For example, if it leads to a parent hurting their child, then there’s a connection between the narcissism of the parent and the BPD of the child, as we discussed in the previous section.
If the parent is a narcissist but doesn’t harm their child, it’s harder to draw a line between these things. So, it’s more helpful to think about the effects of a narcissistic parent on their child and how those tie in to risk factors for BDP, rather than trying to draw a straight line between them.
My Fault My Daughter Has BPD?
At the end of the day, when all the chips are down, no – it’s not your fault.
Some people will develop BPD based on environmental factors or be at a greater risk for it, and some people will develop it without those additional inputs.
In any case, there are so many different things that influence children in and outside of their own homes. There’s no “perfect parent” who does everything right, but the best parents are the ones who try.
Neglect and abuse can cause so much harm to a young person, regardless of whether it meets the criteria for a borderline diagnosis, but most parents are just doing their best and are generally wrong when they try to blame themselves for any problems their child may have or develop.