Are you concerned that you might be dating a controlling girlfriend?
Or maybe you’re worried that you are a controlling girlfriend?
Either way, here are some thoughts about being in a relationship with a controlling girl, how to deal with that, how to communicate and figure out if things can work, and how to tell if you’re the controlling girlfriend without even realizing it.
Before we jump into the characteristics and signs of a controlling girlfriend, here are some tips on how to handle the whole situation.
How to Handle a Controlling Girlfriend
The key element in a relationship is communication. After that comes understanding. If your girlfriend is too controlling, there’s a possibility that she doesn’t even know.
Now the first step is to sit down with her and tell her what behaviors are controlling for you. Let her know the boundaries you’d like to keep and the times she crossed them. Mention relevant examples of the times she acted very controlling.
Trust me, these conversations are quite difficult to have because if she’s actually controlling, it’ll lead to a fight. But you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do, right?
Find out her motives for the controlling behavior and see if you can work something out with her. If she loves you, she’d be willing to make adjustments.
Not many guys know how to handle a controlling girlfriend so I’d like to add that you may need to exercise patience. She wouldn’t change overnight if she’s a controlling person. It’ll take time and a lot more talking from you.
If you feel like your girlfriend needs to find some different ways to spend her time instead of acting controlling, it might be good for her to find a hobby but be careful bringing this up, it can come off sounding condescending and cause further issues.
You can also visit a relationship expert with her if you feel it’s more than what you can handle alone.
6 Signs Your Girlfriend is Controlling
Is your girlfriend controlling? Here are some signs of a controlling girlfriend to consider. Remember, it comes down to a number of different factors and every relationship is different.
Somebody could possess a bit of all of these traits or actions, and not be a particularly controlling person. Somebody else could not really raise any alarms but still be controlling or manipulative.
This isn’t meant to be an official diagnosis or condemnation of someone. You can take a look at the following signs, and decide if the shoe fits.
Also, different people are looking for different things in relationships and have different comfort levels when it comes to their dynamics.
One person might think their girlfriend is too controlling with how she behaves, whereas another person in the same position might feel like they’re being cared for and protected, and neither of them is necessarily wrong.
Having said that, nobody deserves to be in an abusive relationship or a relationship where their boundaries are being crossed, or they feel like they’re being controlled.
Here are the most common signs of a controlling girlfriend:
1. Excessive Snooping
Now some people don’t see snooping as a controlling behavior. They feel it’s okay for a person to go through their lover’s phone if there’s nothing to hide.
While this is okay for some people, others see it as controlling behavior. If your girlfriend demands to know all your social media passwords and reads your conversations with others, that’s serious snooping.
Some girls go to the extent of texting the friends of their bf and pretending to be him. So many guys see this as a red flag and she’s most likely a controlling gf.
2. She Believes She’s Always Right
This is quite common among controlling people. Your gf is probably controlling if she never admits she’s wrong. If she always always feels she’s right and you’re wrong, well you’ve got a lot to deal with.
If you notice that you end up getting the blame for every fight, your gf might be controlling. Along with insisting she’s right, she may also manipulate you into giving her an apology and doubting yourself.
3. She Keeps Score
It’s very wrong to keep scores with someone you’re in love with. If your gf keeps scores and let’s you know when she’s ahead, it’s a sign that she may be controlling.
Partners should both make efforts to do things for each other in a relationship. So if your gf keeps mentioning that she’s ahead then it’s a bad sign. If you find yourself doing that you might be controlling too.
4. She Wants To Be With You Every Time
Now, others may think: this isn’t controlling, it should be normal. But I’m talking about every time as in EVERY TIME. When she’s not letting you hang out with the guys if you won’t take her along, she’s controlling.
When she gets mad that you went somewhere without her or you did anything at all without her, she’s probably controlling.
For example, she furiously demands to know where you’ve been and who you were with and what y’all discussed, she might have a little problem. If you can relate to most of these, you probably have a controlling gf.
5. Always Speaking And Making Decisions For You
At first this may seem like she’s looking out for you. But later on you’ll realize that she’s controlling. If your gf never lets you speak and talks for you instead, then she’s controlling.
Let’s say y’all are hanging out with other people and someone throws a question at you – then she answers for you even before you can say anything. She probably wants to pass the message that she knows you more than anyone else.
Doing this frequently can become a controlling behavior.
6. She Never Sees Your Point Of View
If your relationship has only one side to it (your gf’s side), then there’s a problem. Girlfriends who are unwilling to see their boyfriends point of view are controlling.
They believe that your opinion doesn’t matter and you should see something exactly how they see it. They don’t want to know what you think or feel, they just want you to say yes to their decision.
Most times your refusal to agree with her point of view may get you the silent treatment. If you can relate to this, it’s one of the clear signs your girlfriend is controlling.
Should You Break-up With a Controlling GF?
You shouldn’t break up with a controlling gf if you’ve not talked about the issue yet.
Some controlling partners make the relationship toxic and still don’t know they’re doing it.
Your gf might have had a rocky history that involves abusive past relationships or trauma. Some of these people with bad histories tend to be controlling and obsessive in their new relationships.
Girls who have been in a controlling relationship earlier tend to be the controller in the new one. They consciously try hard not to make history repeat itself.
So before breaking up with her, try your best to find out why she’s controlling. Talk to her about the boundaries you’d like to keep and things you want her to stop doing.
If your gf loves you she’ll be willing to make a change for the better. But if the relationship has become too toxic for you to remain in, you can take your leave and break up with her.
Don’t feel pressured to change someone who is unwilling to change even if you love them. You’ll only keep getting hurt.
How To Tell If Your GF is Controlling or Just Looking Out For You
This is very important and it largely depends on the person involved. Some guys don’t even realize they’re being controlled while others aren’t being controlled but they feel like they are.
If your gf fusses over you and seems a little obsessive, she may just be looking out for you. In newer relationships, don’t decide that she’s controlling just yet. It may be the thrill and excitement of dating you that’s making her act overly protective of you and a little controlling.
In older relationships though, it’s easier to tell the difference. A controlling behavior is often accompanied by lack of trust and manipulation.
If your gf gaslights you often, guilt trips you, and manipulates you into feeling like a bad person, she’s controlling. She’s not looking out for you, she is a controlling girlfriend.
The main sign that your girlfriend is too controlling and not looking out for you is when she threatens to leave you. If your girl uses that break up line too often, it’s one of the major signs your girlfriend is controlling.
Are You a Controlling Girlfriend?
The best way to find out if you’re controlling is by asking your partner.
And if you find it hard to accept that you show some of the signs of a controlling girlfriend, I think that’s a sign that you’re controlling.
Now, if some of your actions make your partner feel like he’s being controlled, then you have work to do. You have to make adjustments even if you don’t see what’s wrong with your actions.
For example, you had access to your ex boyfriend’s phone and passwords and he was cool with it. Now you’re doing the same to your new boyfriend but he’s not having it. You’re insisting you want the passwords and he calls you controlling – what should you do?
Well, like I said earlier, the personality of your boyfriend is the main factor here. If he’s okay with snooping, then you’re not controlling him. But if he’s called you controlling at least once, have a heart to heart talk with him about it because he definitely felt like he was being controlled.
Find out what you’ve been doing that seems controlling and try to work on it. Also tell him why you do those things so that he can see things from your point of view. Make adjustments where necessary and everything should be okay.
Final Thoughts on Identifying the Signs of a Controlling Girlfriend
After going through the signs of a controlling gf listed above, you can have a conversation with your girlfriend if she’s showing these signs. It’s always good to start with proper communication.
If you feel your girlfriend is too controlling for you to handle, talk to a relationship expert. You both can try to define your boundaries and find out what works well for both of you.
The signs of a controlling girlfriend vary from girl to girl but the above ones are quite popular. Always remember that not all controlling girlfriends do it intentionally and that’s why communication is important.
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