Parents can be a really good resource when it comes to sex and sexual health. They can answer questions and give great advice. But sometimes it can be intimidating to approach parents with hard questions. With that in mind, the TAG team came up with some common situations and gave their suggestions for how to approach a parent. Then, they asked their parents to comment on the suggestions. Here's what they had to say.
The situation: A teen has questions or wants information on sex or sexual health.
Melissa said: If you are not having sex, you can explain that you are just curious. If you are having sex, you can still just ask general questions. You can talk about your sex ed class or someone you know who got pregnant and ask your parents what they think about that.
Melissa's mom said: This sounds like a good suggestion. I am always more than happy to answer questions. I would try to do it as honestly as possible and base my answers on the maturity level of the teen.
The situation: A teen is thinking about having sex with a partner.
Olga said: I would wait until a parent was calm and relaxed and then ask them if we can have a private talk.
Olga's mom said: Asking parents when they are calm is an excellent idea. She might also want to bring it up by watching a movie that deals with the subject.
Melissa's mom said: My first thought would be to tell them that I prefer for them to wait, but if they plan on going ahead with it, to think about whether their partner is special enough for such an intimate act.
The situation: A teen has already had sex and wants to tell her or his parents.
Melissa said: Tell your parents that you want to tell them something. Ask them not to overreact and tell them that you can work through the issues together and that you are being safe and healthy.
Melissa's mom said: No one wants to be told not to overreact before hearing news, even if they are pleased that a teen is talking to them. I would probably say that I'm not happy about it, but since this is after the fact, I would ask her to make sure she is taking all the necessary precautions and would recommend seeing a gynecologist for more current information. I would also want to know what she meant by "safe and healthy."
The situation: A teen wants to get birth control.
Alex said: Just ask. The worst they could do is say no. If that happens, in most areas, you don't need parental permission to get birth control.
Alex's parents said: That's true. If you don't want to talk to your parents, I would recommend asking another trusted adult to help you tell your parents, together with you.
The situation: A teen (or his partner) is experiencing an unplanned pregnancy.
Sifat said: First I would ask their views on teen pregnancy and what they thought a teen should do if she got pregnant. I'd find out what they thought about abortion and if they thought teens who are pregnant should be able to make their own choices. Then I would think about which parent I felt most comfortable talking to and would try to find a time to talk to that parent when no one else was around. When we were alone, I would just come out and tell them.
Sifat's parents said: I think this is a good suggestion. I might be upset initially, but I would want to be there for my child. I would feel better if my teen talked to me about what she should do. Then I would take my child to the doctor as soon as possible to make sure she was OK.
The situation: A teen thinks she or he might have a STI.
Olga said: Wait until they are free and not stressed out. You could explain that you think you might have something and you would like to see a doctor. If they ask what you think you have, you could tell them that it might be an STI, but that you won't know until you get a test.
Olga's Mom said: I would be very unhappy that she is having sex and not being safe, but telling me is very important because we would need to go check it out. It is always a better idea to talk to me when I am in a good mood. I would feel good that that she feels comfortable talking to me even if I feel bad that she didn't talk to me before.
Want more tips on how to talk to your parents about sex? Check out Talking "The Talk."
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What would you like to hear TAG talk about? Send us a Talk Back comment with the subject line "TAG."
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